What’s the Reason for Divorce

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and what advice can I give on relationships?

  • Setting up expectations in advance. I noticed many of my clients haven't talked to each other about if they are going to have kids, who is going to stay home, who is going to be the one taking care of the children, chores, or cooking and other important responsibilities like that. So, when individuals like this get married and they haven't talked about it, a big issue may arise because they've completely misunderstood their roles. In modern times especially, sometimes couple’s discover their relationship is not as conventional as they thought it was before getting married.
  • Talk about finances. I am so amazed sometimes when clients come to my office and they say, "In 20 years, I haven't seen his bank statement." or in five years or 10 years. Some clients don't even know what the other party is earning or what the other spouse is spending. So when young couples come to my office and they want to have a prenuptial agreement, part of the prenuptial agreement process is to make financial disclosures to each other. I think this is a very healthy way to start talking about finances.
  • Mutual interests. This might sound simple, but have you thought about wanting to have children, for example? Do you like reading together? Do you like biking? What is the mutual connection? Some people say, "Well, if he's an introvert and I'm an extrovert, then it's not a good match." However, this is not true. There are so many other interests that can build a relationship that can bind you to each other, if you like to travel or things like that.
  • Be prepared to listen. Communication is crucial to avoiding divorce. I’m sure you have heard this so many times, but I cannot emphasize enough that sometimes people don't talk, don't express their fears, hopes, or the little things that are important to them. It might be insignificant but it is important to state these values to your partner.
  • Don't hold any grudges for more than 24 hours (I have a rule that I learned in a different class, so I'm borrowing that). This rule is to clear the air within 24 hours after a disagreement. Doing so is very healthy. I realized that if I expressed my concerns within 24 hours, I felt so much better. Don't go to bed feeling like this problem is not resolved, because the sure thing will be that you are the one who is going to carry that anger throughout the day.

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